Anxiety and the Driven Professional
People don’t understand that as a highly driven and successful person, it’s not just about what is “on your plate.”
It’s the weight of worry that things won’t turn out ok. It’s the countless hours in planning and managing all aspects of your life (and the lives around you). It’s missing out on family vacations in order to return emails and put out fires. It’s the lack of sleep and intimacy in your relationships.
It’s the inability to just stop for two fucking seconds and take a breath.
Now don’t get me wrong, there are a lot rewards that come along with being a highly driven and successful person: independence to carry out a vision, control over the details, and pride in accomplishments.
But… Anxiety, burnout and strained relationships are all too often realities for professionals.
Unique challenges that highly driven and successful people experience:
24/7 AVAILABILITY - As technology advances, often the expectation (perceived or real) is that you will be available all the time. This means that you never really get to “turn off” in order to rest and recharge.
PRESSURE to SUCCEED - Being seen as a successful person creates pressure to demonstrate success in all areas of your life and at all times (hello, perfectionism!).
RESPONSIBILITY - You are responsible for many moving pieces (at work and inside your home), of which most of them are out of your control.
IMPOSTER SYNDROME - Despite all the evidence, there are times when you feel like a fraud.
What gets in the way of seeking help for anxiety?
As a high achiever you learned a long time ago to figure things out on your own. This belief of needing to solve problems on your own may make it even more difficult to ask for help, especially professional help. “I should be able to figure this out.”
There are a lot of eyes on you. Being constantly scrutinized and under the microscope, it can feel pretty scary to seek help for burnout, anxiety or depression. “What if someone finds out and then thinks I can’t handle my job?”
You’ve always been the capable one who solves all the problems. Realizing that you’re not the person who can “handle everything” is a tough place to be. The combination of imposter syndrome and a fear of failure makes even the thought of reaching out for help paralyzing.
Not having the time to locate and engage with counseling.
Finding a way to protect your mental health.
SET BOUNDARIES You are longing for more control over your time and energy - boundaries are your ticket to just that. Not setting the boundaries we need to set, leads to burnout. Examples of boundaries to consider: not responding to emails/texts after a certain time, creating “office hours” of times when you are available for consultation (thereby creating periods of time you can focus solely on your work tasks), leaving work at a certain time, saying ‘no’ to an invite that you’re not excited about.
SELF-CARE Self-neglect does not equal success. Energy is like a vase full of water. If you are constantly tipping your vase to fill the cups of other people, you will run out of water. Instead, fill your vase and use the overflow to fill the cups of others. Note: go back to #1… Self-care usually goes back to boundaries - you will need to instate boundaries in order to create the time+energy for self-care.
DEFINE RESPONSIBILITIES Recognize the difference between Responsible TO and FOR. You are only only responsible FOR the things that are in your control (i.e. your thoughts, feelings, emotions). You are responsible TO a lot of other things (i.e. showing up to work on time, completing delegated tasks, letting your partner know you’ll be late coming home). Stop wasting energy taking responsibility FOR things that are not in your control (i.e. other people’s feelings, reactions or behaviors).
SUPPORT Develop a support network. Healthy support systems reduce anxiety and depression, increase wellbeing and facilitate better coping. This will take some time and effort, especially in the beginning. If you don’t have a support network, it can feel overwhelming to start and you may need to think outside the box.
SEEK professional HELP. There is a lot of research about how and why therapy helps. Here are few reasons I’ve seen in action: a weekly therapy appointment provides you an hour per week where you get to focus only on you, it provides a space for you to let your guard down and just be you, and it allows for creative problem solving when needed. You allow others to have the space they need to succeed - the rules aren’t different for you.
