What Your Therapist Wants you to Know about Ending Counseling
There are very few rules about how to “do” therapy correctly. However, one thing I know for sure is that therapy ends. Below you’ll find some questions to help you walk through the process of ending therapy.
As an anxiety counselor, it’s my job to work myself out of a job.
Do you remember how you felt before you called to schedule your first session? Or, are you just now thinking about calling a therapist to begin this journey? It’s a pretty scary endeavor, isn’t it?
It is scary to be so vulnerable.
Great therapy can last a few sessions… a few years… or even a decade or more. Whatever the length of time, a close bond is built between you and your therapist.
The relationship between you and your counselor is like no other relationship you’ll ever have.
Over time, counseling becomes a place where you learn to be authentic and vulnerable. You let your defenses drop. You trust that your therapist doesn’t have judgements or expectations.
Through structured processing and learning new skills, you make progress toward your goals. The reasons that brought you into counseling aren’t as difficult to deal with and you start wondering if maybe it’s time to say goodbye to therapy.
Is it time to end therapy?
This can be a complicated question that only you are able to determine the final answer. If you are thinking about ending therapy, I recommend having a chat with your therapist. They will be able to help you walk through the decision.
Here are some questions to consider:
Have I reached my goals?
Remember back to when you first began counseling… What made you contact your therapist for the first time? What was going on in your life that just wasn’t working for you? What were you hoping to get out of therapy? Do you have additional goals you’d like to work toward? If you’ve reached your therapy goals and feel fairly confident in your ability to maintain your progress, then it might be time to end therapy.
Do I just need a break?
Perhaps you’ve processed some aspects of your life and learned a lot of skills. Now it’s time to practice. Or, maybe it’s coming up to the holidays or a vacation and you’d like to step back from the intensity of therapy. It is common for people to take a break from therapy and the reasons why vary greatly. Breaks can last a few months or even a few years. When it’s time, you may decide to return to counseling due to a new life stressor, relapse into unhelpful behaviors or because you are ready to dig deeper into a difficult issue.
Have I “outgrown” my therapist?
If you are no longer feeling challenged or gaining new insights or strategies, it may be time to find a new therapist. There are amazing counselors out there and they all have different education, experiences and perspectives. On the other hand, if there are specific aspects of therapy that aren’t quite working for you, speak up. Your counselor is doing their very best to provide exactly what you need and if they are missing the mark, they want to know.
Am I trying to avoid something difficult?
Therapy usually requires you to lean into some really difficult emotions, thoughts and situations. Or, as Brené Brown says, you have to “go through the swamp” to get to the other side. And, there is nothing wrong with ending therapy because you don’t want to or aren’t ready to explore those difficult areas. Being aware that this is your reason may allow you to return to therapy when it is time to lean into the messy stuff.
Is it time to change therapeutic approaches?
Maybe it’s time to try a completely different treatment method: acupuncture, couple’s counseling, yoga, meditation, EMDR, family counseling, somatic approaches, group therapy, animal assisted therapy, art therapy, yoga… The list goes on!
How to end therapy.
When it comes right down to it, you can end therapy however you want. But as a therapist, I recommend that you bring it up in person, at the beginning of your session.
This allows time to explore ending counseling, reviewing your progress, and identifying possible next steps for you.
A few more thoughts…
Losing a relationship is tough, but that’s not a reason to continue going to therapy.
It’s ok if counseling in general and/or if your particular counselor have served their purpose.
You can always return to therapy.
